Everyone told me that when you first see your baby on the ultrasound screen, it is so amazing and that this was when pregnancy became “real” to them. Others said that it wasn’t until they heard the heartbeat on the doppler that they were overcome with maternal feelings and love for their baby.
For me, while both of these events were amazing and awesome, I was still left questioning if I was in fact carrying a baby or if it was just a giant tapeworm that was making me so sick. The big headed blob on the screen didn’t look like a baby, it looked like an alien, and the heartbeat sounded like an AM radio station with poor reception. I was very excited and already felt an enormous amount of love for the blob/alien/possible baby, but it wasn’t until my last ultrasound that it really hit me that there is a very small baby inside of me, and quite soon it will be a real life baby and it will be all mine.
I went in for my sequential screening last week (this is a combination of an ultrasound and two separate rounds of blood work to determine if your baby has down syndrome or any other neural tube defects) and had the best ultrasound yet. The machine was way more high tech than the one at my normal Doctor’s office and he spent more time looking at the baby than usual.
While he was checking things out, I saw the most amazing thing ever: the baby moved. And not just like a little twitch, it was kicking its legs and waving its arms all over the place! A few times it even jumped when the Doctor was pushing down on it with the wand. I don’t think it liked to be squished. This is what I have been waiting for! That little tiny baby moving and waving at me, the baby that has a profile now, this is my baby.
I’m very near the beginning of my second trimester, so I’m feeling a LOT better these days. I’m much more excited about pregnancy now that I am not constantly on the verge of puking and am even starting to enjoy it. Thank god for that, I was really starting to worry that for 9 months I was going to be a miserable lump on the couch and have to give the baby the silent treatment for making me feel so horrible. I think the combination of seeing that little wiggle worm and feeling better is just what I needed to really get excited about everything and I have officially fallen head over heels in love with this baby.