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Monthly Archives: January 2011

Something’s gotta give.

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A few weeks ago, my department at work started another round of our biggest loser competition. The first week, I dropped 5 pounds. I was pretty excited about such a great loss, but my motivation didn’t last long and now I’m having a really hard time. Like, I’ve gained back the 5 pounds and then some hard time.

In the last week Emmet has had croup AND stomach flu And now possibly pink eye. He wakes up screaming at night (can you blame the poor guy?) until we bounce him into quiet submission. (We have an exercise ball instead of a rocking chair, we don’t actually bounce the poor lad on his head)

And I now have croup. I know, right? Who the hell over the age of 5 gets croup? This girl.

I’m so tired when I get home from work and it’s all I can do to “cook” dinner by throwing something, anything, in the microwave.

So, when I say I need to take a break, it’s not that I’m not giving up. But I am giving in, temporarily. I just can’t do it all, as much as I want to be Super Mom, whoever she is. I can’t stop being Emmett’s Mom and I can’t quit my job, so by default my health is what’s getting the axe.

Something has just got to give.

That being said, just because I am taking a break doesn’t mean that it is ok to shovel Ben & Jerry’s into my mouth every evening like I’m trying to bulk up for a sumo wrestler league. What I can control right now is my portion size. I may be eating crap food loaded with chemicals and fat, but the least I can do it limit myself to one portion instead of four.

So there you have it, my lofty goals for the week.

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The Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

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I am smack dab in the middle of a never ending bad day.

It all started yesterday, when my insurance company told me that they won’t pay for part of the Anesthesiologist claim from my c-section. “Part” being $900.

Why, you ask? Because they think my c-section wasn’t “medically necessary”.

ARE YOU *&%$#@ KIDDING ME?????????

Apparently Emmett’s heart rate dropping from 130 to 50 repeatedly over the course of my labor, including the 2 hours of unproductive pushing, is not anything to be concerned with.

You know what the worst part about this is? It’s bringing up all the unresolved emotions I have left over from my c-section. The guilt, the what if’s, the feeling that I failed my baby and myself. I know I didn’t, but this stupid insurance claim is bringing it all back again. They’re making me feel like I made the wrong decision, like I did something wrong.

Next up. While pumping at work yesterday, in a LOCKED room, someone with a key unlocked the door and walked in. Don’t mind me! I’m just sitting here topless massaging my bewbs while this machine sucks breast milk out of them. Nothing to see here!

And finally, as I was getting ready to go to bed last night, my poor little Monkeyface threw up ALL over our bed and me. Twice. And once again this morning, because the stomach flu has no mercy, even on small and very cute babies.

I’m not whining about all this so I get a bunch of sympathy, rather to point out how well I am holding it together, despite all this bullshit. Yes, I’m complaining about it on every form of social media possible, but have I had a total sobbing till I get Alice Cooper eyes meltdown? No!

The old me would have taken a xanax, crawled under the covers and called it a day.

I’m not sure if it’s having a baby or if I’m finally maturing at the age of 31, but I’m not as much of a wreck as I used to be. So that’s the silver lining to the gloomy cloud hanging over my head.

Solids.

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Emmett went from licking his squash covered spoon and dribbling out most of what made it into his mouth, to gulping down sweet potatoes like nobodies business, literally overnight.

{And yes, I am one of those people who says literally a lot and usually in the wrong context. Deal. If Robin Scherbatsky can get away with it on prime time television, then I certainly can on my very own blog that no one reads anyway.}

It’s such a fun new phase in his ever-changing baby development. Bit messy, but really fun. Dinnertime is a family affair now, the three of us sitting at the table, all enjoying real food.

I like to envision how it will be in years to come, with all of us sitting around the dining room table talking about our days, laughing, and soaking up each other’s company. It makes me smile just thinking about it.

However, there is one downside to solid foods. The poopy diaper that happens afterwards.

Holy Moses.

I’m going to spare you all the details. There’s no reason why this sort of information needs to be shared. Although I did call Chris in from the other room to witness what our son had created. He almost threw up in his mouth.

No, instead you’ll all just have to wait until the day that your child creates his or her own solid food masterpiece. Until then, enjoy the fact that your virgin eyes have never had to witness anything so disgusting as this.

Unless of course, you already have a wee babe, in which case, you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.

Death by Cute.

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Those cheeks.

His puppy dog eyes.

That Monkeyface.

I love him.

A question for the ages

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Is it better to eat food packed with chemicals and be thin(er) or be overweight, but eat whole foods?

What’s worse: being overweight (which I am) or thin(er), but with coke zero chemicals fueling my body?

The answer to this question has plagued me for nearly a decade.

Because I am overweight, I am at a higher risk for heart disease, cancer, and type II diabetes. But aren’t all those “diet foods” loaded with shit that will give you cancer? So what makes my risk lower for these God-awful diseases, less chemicals or lose weight?

I change my mind on this constantly, and it seems that researchers/media/diet gurus do too. I’ll load up on my beloved coke zero and processed convenience foods, only to find that studies show if you eat the real thing, loaded with fat and cals, you’ll be more satisfied and eat less than if you eat all that non-fat food.

I always take this as an opportunity to load up on Phish Food & Chubby Hubby, guilt free.

Then I realize that this approach is not going to work, as I’ve gained 1 million pounds, so I bring back the diet soda and 100 cal packs so I can eat with less guilt.

Lather, rinse and repeat for 10 years.

Deep down I think I know the real answer to my question: eat everything in moderation. This goes for both fatty and chemical laden foods.

But where’s the fun in moderation? 😉

What do you think? Do any of my (three) faithful readers struggle with this?

Multiple Personalities

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If you read my blog via your web browser, you may have noticed that it has had several wardrobe changes recently. It’s going through a bit of an identity crisis, with more changes to come, so bear with me.

Moldy Carpet.

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If I told you that moldy carpet has changed my life for the better, you would probably ask yourself, has her brain gone a bit addled since having a baby? Or maybe it’s from inhaling all those mold spores.

But it’s true! My department at work had mold growing under the scazzy blue carpet and after 2 years of trying to get a department makeover, the mold finally lost.

I always like my old cube, but it was facing a wall and in a busy area of the office. The upside was that if there was every anyone chatting in the common area, I was always a part of it. The downside was that it was hard to work at times, and I was facing a wall. But it was private. And I had a fun cube buddy.

But now, oh my.

During the remodel, the entire department floor plan was redone. My new cube is next to two gigantic windows that let in so much glorious sunlight, all day long. The sun makes it all warm and toasty. My new cube buddy (who is just fabu) bakes in the sun all day like a kitty.

Here’s a pic of where I spend most of my days.

There are rainbow makers on the windows. RAINBOWS at work! So magical are rainbows that seeing a double one can cause a person to become so enraptured, his response becomes the viral video of the year. And now I get to see them at work all day long.

Having a healthy work environment is important, I mean, you spend the majority of your days there. If I leave work in a bad mood, it sets the tone for how the rest of my night is. My nights are the only time I get to see Emmett during the week, so you see, it’s very important that I have a good day at work and leave in a good mood.

It may be stressful at times, and my raise this year sucked, but I have my sunshine and rainbows. And coffee walks with some great girls.

If I have to spend all day away from my baby, this is a pretty good place to be.