I started writing a post about pumping and breast-feeding a couple weeks ago. (I told you this blog is going to be an endless stream of breast milk and poop! Don’t roll your eyes, you were warned!)
The post started when I was still pumping twice a day at work. It was exhausting trying to find an extra hour a day at work when I was already swamped. I was feeling very ranty and whiney about how hard it was.
So after much internal debate, I stopped pumping twice a day. Now I only go to my little room in the HR department once a day for half an hour, during my lunch break.
Oh my. This is SO much more manageable! I can still (usually) pump around 8 oz, so I have enough for 2 bottles of breast milk a day for the Monkeyface.
But, in some ways I feel like I have failed Emmett. I could, no I SHOULD, be pumping more, twice a day at work and once at night when he goes to sleep. Then I wouldn’t have to supplement with formula. The critical voice in the back of my head tells me that if I was a good Mom, this is what I would do. A good Mom would do anything for her baby.
But then there is the part of me that feels an overwhelming sense of relief because now that I don’t pump enough during the day I have an excuse to start feeding him formula without feeling guilty. Because damnitall, I don’t want to be pumping all day and all night. I have given up enough of my life for this little baby, I’m bone dry and weary.
Now that we’ve been supplementing with formula for a while, most of the guilt is gone. Emmett is still alive and happy as ever and I’m more relaxed. Good decision, I think.
P.S. For pumping Mommas, if you use a Medela pump go here for more info on the Pump In Style recall.