There was a time several months ago when I felt like my life had become stagnant. I was simply going through the motions each day, but not really living.
I know now that this was, in large part, due to PPD. But it was more than that, I had also lost any sense of purpose in my life. Yes, I am raising a sweet little boy. I have a loving and supportive husband, a thriving career, amazing friends and a wonderful family. Clearly, there is a purpose to my existence. But from a purely selfish perspective, I felt none.
The problem was I wasn’t doing anything that was just for ME. Every.single.thing I did was for someone else. It wasn’t until I realized that grocery shopping by myself had become my “me time” that it was time to rethink my priorities.
Here is where I feel the need to make sure you know how much I love my family. How much I love being a Mom, how lucky I feel to have married the most wonderful man I have ever met, and how fortunate I am to have my life. I know all this, and I count my blessings often.
But that doesn’t change the fact that I still want to be my own person, that I still want something that is just mine.
So the timing was right when my co-worker mentioned that she had signed up for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. I’ve always wanted to train for a race, but the trouble is I hate running. Hate. But walking? Yes, I could do this.
I thought about it for less than 48 hours. My husband, who is unable to make a snap decision to save his life, was completely blindsided by my announcement. He worried that I hadn’t thought this through, he worried that if I didn’t succeed that this could drive me even deeper into my depression sinkhole, he just wanted to protect me.
Let’s just pause here and take a moment to recognize how sweet my husband is. ♥
I just knew that I had to do this; I felt a spark ignite inside of me. This was one of those life-defining moments when you just KNOW that this is the right thing to do. And as it turns out (so far), I was right.
It may be difficult to understand, but this walk has been instrumental in casting off the final shadows grasping onto my heart and has given me a renewed sense of purpose. I’m finally doing something just for ME for the first time in almost 2 years. And it feels amazing.