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Monthly Archives: October 2012

Goodbye Martha.

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For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be Martha Stewart. While most kids my age were thinking about going to keg parties, I was dreaming of dinner parties with finger foods, matching linens and acoustic guitars playing softly in the background.

I loved throwing parties and I would start planning months in advance, painstakingly creating the menu and making sure that every detail was perfect.

When I first created an account on Pinterest I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. Image after image of fabulous parties, delicious recipes, crafts, beautiful home decor. I spent HOURS pinning things on my boards, I was so excited to try them out.

But in reality, I am not a Pinterest Mom. I didn’t hide an elf around the house last Christmas, I don’t make art with my child’s dinner and I don’t have a turkey made out of Emmett’s hand print. I would love to be this kind of Mom, but I am not.

And that is OK.

I’m tired of trying to be perfect, it’s exhausting. And no matter how perfect I am, there’s always someone out there who is craftier or more creative or a better cook. So I’m bowing out of the race, I’m done competing.

I’m sorry Martha, I still love you, but I am no longer trying to be you.


Disneyland and antibiotics.

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You may want to go purchase a nice cave aged gruyere as I’m about to unleash an epic whine.

The week before I did the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, I got a nasty cold. I took some vitamins and though I still felt a little sick, I’d been training for months, there was no way in h-e-double-hockey sticks I was going to let this sideline me. So I pushed through.

The next couple of weeks were a blur: stress at work, trip to Palm Springs (fun!), trying to keep up with my 2 year old, more stress at work. Lather, rinse, repeat. I steadily felt worse and worse.

Finally, I went to the doctor. Diagnosis: sinus infection and asthma triggered by a respiratory infection. I got a Z-pak and an inhaler and went on my merry way. Green nose goo turned clear again, I thought I was G to G.

Seeing as how I was supposedly on the mend, I made plans with some friends to go to Disneyland. I haven’t been in years, and Emmett had never been. Also, I was going to get to see some friends and I really needed a break. I mean, come on, it’s DISNEYLAND. How could I say no?

But I should have, because I wasn’t feeling how you should after a week of antibiotics, and my inhaler was no longer helping my coughing fits.

I went to Disney and it was maybe the best trip to the world of magic ever. Emmett saw his hero, Lightning McQueen, and I got to see his eyes light up when he saw Buzz Lightyear in the Pixar Parade. However, I think this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. The nail in the coffin, and lots of other metaphors meaning, enough was enough.

Long story short, after a hellish night of fevers, sweating through 3 sets of sheets, and coughing so hard I almost puked, I dragged myself back to the doctor.

The verdict this time? Double ear infection. Sinus infection. And bronchial spasms from my asthma so bad that I’m now on prednisone and a mega inhaler. Oh, and the Superman of antibiotics that cost $75 for seven pills. Yes, that’s over $10 a pill. This shit better cure me and solve world hunger or I want my money back.

When Moms get sick

So yeah, I need to start taking care of myself. I get it. Tomorrow I’m going to Whole Foods, the mecca of health food, and I’m going to buy one of everything. It’s a start.

Cold season is here. Boo.

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Dude. Emmett and I have both been sick for over a month now. It’s getting old.

We’ve spent the last several weekends on the couch, snuggling and watching movies together. I must admit, the increase in monkey snuggles is one thing that I am thoroughly enjoying. But we’re both starting to get cabin fever. We’ve been cooped up for too long, but we’re too sickie to do much out of the house. Every time we take Emmett anywhere he turns into a Stage 5 Clinger and whines, so we’re listening to his needs and staying home.

This weekend, the walls have started closing in on me. Despite feeling slightly shaky with a cold, I’ve been rearranging furniture. In E’s bedroom, in the living room, and I’m mentally redecorating the office (soon to be office/craft room) as I type.

When we’re back to our old, healthy selves I’ll post some pics. Until then, send orange juice and Kleenex.


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My astrological sign is Cancer, and in true crab fashion, when I am depressed I crawl into my shell.  I shut down, I turn inward and close off everyone else.  

I’m not sure why, but this is where I’m at right now.  I’ve crawled into my pillow fortress in bed, I haven’t been writing, and I haven’t been talking to my friends.

The most frustrating part for me is that I don’t know when this will end.  Is it normal to feel this way sometimes?  How happy do “normal” people feel, and what does happy mean anyway?  Will I ever feel happy or am I just like a street addict, chasing the dragon but never quite able to grab it’s tail?

I don’t know the answers to these questions.  Do you?